Every, now and then Mom need some girls time. We hang out in one room and lock the new kid out for a little while, then we can talk about how our day was, if I liked my food and my nap and what she's up to. I can play with my Easter egg blank without being disturbed by an overexcited teenager. And sometimes we have to talk seriously.
"Mom, we have to talk."
"Oh dear. I hate when somebody tells me that. Do you want to break up with me?"
"Don't be silly."
"Sorry. Have a seat and let's talk."
"It's about den Dekan, isn't it? What has he done now? Has he broken something? Has he stolen one of your spots again?"
"It's more serious than that, I'm afraid. I think he has completely lost his mind now."
"Ooookay. From the start, please?"
"Do you remember how you've watched Stephen Colbert's videos with Paul Rudd the other day? The ones about auditioning him for 'Sexiest Man Alive 2021'?"
"Yes, so what? Those were just funny videos."
"Well, der Dekan got into your account."
"So? There was nothing weird about those videos."
"No, but der Dekan is convinced that Rudd was the wrong choice. He thinks he's far sexier."
"Right. Oh. You should be more responsible with your viewing choices."
"What's the problem, though? Don't tell me he has written to People magazine to complain."
"No, but he's determined not to let something like that happen again next year. He's planning a campaign and he's starting a portfolio with pictures and skills. You'll want to see these."
"Now that is pretty harmless, don't you think?"
"Only because the photographer cut off the edge on the right hand side which would have shown you his legs up in the air. Now look at this. He's doing the 'sexy slump' for the cover. Yes, he got that idea from your videos."
"And now be prepared for the worst. You NEED to have a word with him. He's not even grown up. What else are we to expect? His own perfume line? 'Male Hubris by Der Dekan'? Fashion? A rockstar career?"
"Wowie! Move over, Paul Rudd. This little guy is too sexy for his fur. Maybe I should write that email to People ..."
I'm despairing here, it's completely hopeless. In the name of Bastet, please send help, my friends. This household has gone completely nuts and I'm the only normal one here! Where will this end??
Stay tuned and be prepared for me turning up on your doorstep on short notice if things get worse!