Tree Swiper HQ

Have you been wondering how the Christmas thing is going in this house? I thought it was time for a little update.

Mom's first surprise was the night the Christmas tree fell. It was 3.15 a.m. and Mom had been sound asleep with the brat in her arm - I think he does that so she will forgive his countless crimes more easily as she adores having a cat in her arms, but we both hate being picked up - when she heard small knocking sounds which she quickly recognized as gnomes hitting the floor. Later she said she smiled to herself knowing I also had fun with her Christmas gifts to us ... until there was a wooshing sound next.
She turned on the light and saw me, rather unimpressed, next to the fallen tree. Seems her little box scheme is not that effective after all or maybe I just got the perfect angle.
Der Dekan went all wide eyed, no doubt jealous that (the first?) hit of the year was mine and not his. Mom grabbed her camera and took a shot into the dark which accounts for the amazingly bad quality of this picture, but I guess it's a good enough proof of my genius.

Of course that doesn't mean der Dekan feels defeated, he's still very much having his own fun with the tree.
Today Mom noticed that its back looked pretty much undecorated and she didn't need to be Sherlock Holmes to deduce very quickly why.
The tree's spot is where our cat donut is usually. A while ago, Mom got it in a special sale, hope everlasting that we would actually use it. Which happens rarely. Very rarely. I don't like the tunnel part at all because I know perfectly well who would be waiting for me outside. Not worth the fun. I also don't like sleeping in there. Why should I if I have my very own pillow in bed plus I am allowed to sleep on all soft surfaces I choose? Der Dekan has sat in it a few times, but not for long, and sometimes he checks the tunnel to make sure there's no other cat in there and that's it.

Now, however, the donut is right behind the tree. Another stroke of genius from Mom who simply thought it would not be used any more back there than it had been before. She was so wrong.

Sitting or lying in there, he can easily and comfortably reach the different branches and just pull off what he wants.
That doesn't mean he's not still enjoying his jumps into the tree, but sometimes you just want to put in minimal energy to wreak maximum havoc, and so he made this his Tree Swiper HQ. Mom refuses to put a sign with its name on it after she crawled around on the floor looking for ornaments. It was particularly funny when she was flat on her belly looking under the wardrobe. Without any success, I should mention. We know better than to hide things in obvious places.

She did manage to "save" two of them, though, rudely interrupting this cozy playdate! 🙄

O Christmas tree, o Christmas tree ...

... your ornaments are historyyyyy!
I'm sure you have seen the memes on the Internet and I'm sure you have sung along.

Mom followed the traditional (as in a tradition beginning only last year, but you have to start somewhere) ritual, first putting up the wooden box - actually step zero was to empty the box because that lady can't just leave something empty, it seems - and putting the tree inside. Der Dekan tried to help a little by sitting on the empty tree box several times, visibly surprised that it went flat every time.

When it was time to put on the ornaments, however, der Dekan was not allowed in the room. No worries, he's used to that. He's not allowed in the kitchen during cooking, he's not always allowed when Mom is hanging up laundry, he's not even allowed to protect her in the bathroom - all because he's a tripping hazard and everything takes five times as long if he's around.
I have no doubt that he waited right outside the door because when she finally opened it, he walked right in and did what little mobsters have to do - jump into a tree and pull off ornaments.

The gnome family she got for him was a big success, in fact we could just hear more of them falling. Now he made the whole tree shake, but the box did its job and prevented the tree falling as well.
We don't have action pictures of him (yet), he likes to attack the tree from the side where he's not seen so easily.

Doesn't he look like a kid on Christmas?

I only paid a short visit so far because I don't get what's quite so exciting about those ornaments. Now if they were felt, that would be a completely different game, but I guess Mom is smart enough not to take that risk, not because she doesn't want me to have fun, but because I tend to swallow parts of it that get stuck on my tongue.
Maybe I'll have another look later.

Morning rituals

Der Dekan and I have several rituals, our individual ones, but also a few together.
There's the chase to the cat tower that I use to get up to the cabinet bed in the hallway. Der Dekan chases after me, but never catches me although he could.
There's the way he sneaks up on my kibbles bowl when I take a break from eating. It's amazing that he still seems to think neither Mom nor I will see him if he only moves slowly enough while I'm just watching him instead of defending it. It's not as if he doesn't have his own kibbles, but the grass is always greener on the side and my kibbles are always much more delicious. He wouldn't even mind if I licked each and every one. It's not so much about the eating as it is about the heist itself. He was born a natural criminal.

And there's our morning ritual when Mom finally deigns to get up for real (meaning I don't count the nightly snack sacrifices that we demand in exchange for a little more sleep for her).
I'll be waiting for her on the chest at the end of the bed and then der Dekan will be creeping up from under the bed and attack.
The fight is violent and merciless and we won't stop until one of us is on the floor begging Mom to save them from certain death ....
.... what's that, Mom? Slap fight? Silly little buggers? Can't you see our ears? And the claws? The raw strength and determination? Excuse me, did you just laugh at me? Funny and cute??
It's not more than a half round fight?? You are not sure we ever even touch one another??? How DARE you?!

I know someone who better sleep with her eyes open tonight!!

Another one bites the dust or Early Santa

It's a sound Mom loves. Not. Even less at 7 in the morning on a day she's not feeling well.
It's the not so sweet sound of another saucer getting smashed on the kitchen floor. It has been a while since the last time, but now the striped serial killer took another one and of course once again didn't show any remorse. Mom said when she closed the door to clean up the sad remains - she does love those dishes and can't replace them - der Dekan just said outside in the hallway and looked surprised, but didn't try to follow her. He of course claims to be innocent. It was an accident. Maybe suicide. Saucers tend to throw themselves off cliffs, he says, which is of course complete rubbish.
Mom was so shocked that she didn't even take pictures of the crime scene which means that once again he will go unpunished.
What happened then, however, is hard to grasp for me.

Flashback to December 2023, the first year that Mom offered a Christmas tree as a sacrifice to Bast. At least that is the only reason why I can imagine she put up the tree knowing very well that somecat (how she likes to call the brat when trying to "conceal his identity" 🙄) would be all over it like only a cat can.
You can read my report on what happened here.

In short, it offers glimpses into a criminal career.
First a hand was gone ...

Next a body was gone ...

There were more "accidents", thefts, and Mom was really lucky to have found the box to put the tree in or the whole tree would have been gone sooner or later.
I don't get what is quite that exciting about the tree, but of course I'm a few years older and a lot wiser than der Dekan. And no born criminal of course.

Eventually, gnome girl disappeared completely, but kept turning up again here and there, providing a lot of fun.
Then this was all Mom found in a really far away corner - the one under the wardrobe - and gnome girl left us for good.

Pretty gruesome, right?
I would have thought that to be the final straw and to see the culprit go directly to jail, not passing go and not collecting 200 bucks.
Wrong. All Mom said was "poor little gnome girl" and off into the bin she went!
If you think, however, that that was the worst, just wait what's next.
Mom went online straight away and ordered what she called a (pre-)Christmas gift for den Dekan! (If you are surprised about the (pre-), yes, she even thinks in parentheses sometimes.)

Just look at this!!!

All in all, there are 16 (!) new little victims for him!
Can you imagine what this is going to be like?
And no, this is completely different from the Christmas Massacre of 2018, also may I remind you that ALL Steiff wool miniatures went behind glass when I just played a tiny wee bit with them? It was not as if Mom went and got me a bag full of new ones, did she? DID SHE??

Well, as usual I'm going to wait on the sidelines for a while and then decide if I want to get in on this or just get myself a bowl full of Squishies (that's how Mom calls our liquid snack tubes) and watch while Mom goes slowly mad from having to pick up dead little gnome people all day.
Of course I'm going to keep you updated as well.
What do you think will happen?

The apocatlypse is coming?

Hey there, how are you doing?
We have been struggling our way through summer. I think I had jinxed it with my last post about temperatures going down. Temperatures went up again and the only way for me to block out Mom's constant whining was to sleep as much as possible which is one of my favorite pastimes, anyway, so it wasn't hard to do.
Der Dekan left Mom's lap once more, and although she kept saying how she missed snuggles, you could tell she was also very glad that the little brat didn't try to glue himself to her. I remember her telling stories about how her big boys Merlin, Greebo, and Ponder didn't give up snuggling completely in summer and how she was often covered in fur sticking and itching all over her body. I can attest to Greebo in particular having been a master shedder. Not that der Dekan and I are amateurs at that game.

Then it suddenly got quite cold for a few days and then it got warm again and from what the weather forecast is saying - if it can be trusted - that is supposed to happen over the coming days as well. Up, down, up, down, but not quite as hot as it was.
Fall is definitely coming.

However, something is coming according to Mom - the apocatlypse.
When she woke up from a nap yesterday, she felt a little neckwarmer in her back that she wouldn't have needed. She thought it might be me sleeping on my pillow although she should know that I prefer a bit of space between us, but when she turned her head, it was der Dekan.
To explain, that pillow is really mine, but sometimes I like to sleep in the corner of the bed (which looks very pathetic, Mom says, because people could think I was forced to sleep in a tiny spot) or on Mom's blanket and then der Dekan takes over the pillow.
Therefore, Mom looked around if she could see me, but only when she got up, she saw the incredible truth.

You may have seen den Dekan and me on that pillow together before, like when we plotted for world domination together with Bruce, but even then I hissed at him.
This time, however, we were butt touching without any attempt of trying to hit the other, and when I got up and went to my spot on Mom't blanket which usually is a sign for den Dekan to pounce me - some weird archaic instinct, I guess - he just yawned, finally got up himself, walked around me once and then lay down in a different spot. No hissing, no slapping, no growling.
Now Mom is scared and preparing for the apocatlypse by ordering more cat food and snacks.
Well done us!

Baby is back

 

This is Mom. Well, obviously she's not Marilyn Monroe, so not her. I'm talking about the lyrics. Mom is one needy human lady.
When I stopped sleeping on her pillow with her (before der Dekan moved in even), she was devastated and kept telling me stories about her boys, how Merlin slept in her arm all through his life, a spot that Ponder took over very quickly who before that had usually snuggled up to her in another spot. Greebo was practically glued to the back of her knees at night. Even shy Gandalf liked to sleep at her feet. Dude liked to sleep on her before moving on to the ex (not okay she called him a little traitor).

What about the ladies, though?
They were more independent. Mim liked to be in the same room, but not too close, Esme and Meffi were Daddy's girls and only became snugglier (is that even a word?) after he left, but always on their terms - no grabbing, just light touches and if they wanted to get up, that's what they did.

Magica and Jester were too young to say anything about the snuggle levels they would have achieved.

So you can see, Mom had a lot of kitty love over the years, and to be honest, I think she has become addicted to it as so many cat lovers do. It's easy to become addicted to being loved by a cat and it's very difficult to be rejected by a cat.
Both der Dekan and I don't like being picked up for longer than a quick change of location which usually means der Dekan is getting thrown out of the kitchen when Mom prepares food, hers or ours, or that I have to go the vet's. He is a tiny bit more gracious about it, I could live completely without having to fly through the air.
Mom, however, had become used to pick up her big boys - Dude, Merlin, Greebo, and Ponder - and throw them over her shoulder. She even danced with them, sometimes even with two at the same time!

We can't get her to understand that those times are over. That's finally something der Dekan and I can agree on wholeheartedly - and yet the brat is quite the snuggly cat. He sleeps on Mom a lot, shares her pillow with her, likes to curl up to the back of her knees, and sometimes he's just standing on her.
What her problem is then, you ask?
Her problem are higher temperatures. A few weeks ago, literally from one day to the other, der Dekan didn't come near her anymore. He slept stretched out on our official side of the bed or even more often in his corrugated cardboard bed which he thinks is the best thing in the world beside cheese.
Mom would look at him with sad puppy eyes - nice try - and ask him if he didn't love her anymore. It got quite annoying after a while.

Last night, however, after temperatures had dropped a little, the boy had mercy on her, and since then he went through his complete repertoire, sleeping on her legs, standing on her, lying next to her on her pillow, sleeping at the back of her knees, lying in her arm AND pushing his head in her hand (although he had to bite her a little first).
The human is finally happy again.

Gang takeover

Hey there, do you remember us?
I know it has been months that you have heard from us, but Mom had one of her existential crisis thingies and we had to work very hard on supervising her, giving her cuddles and assuring her that her motivation would be coming back eventually. Which it did quite recently, but that's no topic for our blog.
Also I still took it easy. Mom accused me of using my torn cruciate ligament to wait on me hand and foot. So what if? She's our servant, anyway. What's the difference if she brings me my food here or there. I didn't make her bring the litter box as well, that's nice of me, isn't it?

Actually, I've got her where I have always wanted her. Only in very rare cases, I have to push a little by ripping on her hair if I need a 3 a.m. snack, but when she's awake, it's usually enough to look at her. To be honest, I think she enjoys doing everything for me. Sometimes she's feeling a bit guilty about der Dekan having taken over, so she wants to show me I'm still #1. As if there had ever been a shred of doubt about that.

However, it's never a bad idea to send some clear signs for those whose youth leads them to believe they can do anything without having to fear repercussions (obviously I'm not talking about Mom who can be called anything but youthful). I knew just the right sign.
Do you remember the fish drama?

Der Dekan and his gang still hold their meetings on the wardrobe. It's a safe space because Mom is too short to reach up there easily and he probably thought that I would stay off it from now on after hurting my knees. He even made his peace with the East Side gang. Or so he thought.
Let's say, they had an open ear for my suggestions. This is going to stay interesting ...