The red carpet

"PONDER!! Are you trying to kill me again??"
"Me kill you? You kicked me halfway through the room!"

Not an unusual conversation between Mom and me these days.
Let me explain. A few months ago Mom decided to put something on the floor in the bunny room (bunnyless now, but the name stuck). Greebo liked to sleep on the little sofa there, but due to his age he is a little wonky on his feet sometimes, and he had a problem with slipping on the laminate floor when he got down. Mom's sister still had a rug in storage, brought it over and voilà, Greebo didn't slip! Of course the reason for that would be that from this day - that's no joke! - he didn't sleep on that couch anymore. He always refused to tell me why, though.
I liked the rug a lot and often sprawled on it, so although it hadn't been planned, it stayed for now.

A while ago then when Greebo had been to the vet and got some pain medication, he didn't react well at all. He kept falling over, slipping on the wooden floors which were slightly better than the laminate, but still too smooth, and I don't even want to talk about the cork imitation in the hallway. He had such a hard time getting up that Mom got very worried. To make it easier for Greebo, she took the rug from the bunny room and moved it into the hallway and because it wasn't big enough, she used her spare bathroom rug which hadn't even been unpacked yet to create even more of a path. Not pretty, but useful, and it really helped him even after the side effects of the meds had fortunately worn off.

I, however, like to think of this as my red carpet. To be honest, I think there should be a red carpet running through the whole place, maybe leading to all of my favorite napping spots.
Black on red does look fabulous, admit it. And this is my corner. I'm quite particular about my corner.
Now Mom keeps telling me that black on red in the dark is more like black on black and that the day will come when she will really kick me into the bedroom like a football and die herself in the act. It's ridiculous. First, she would never be able to kick me that fur. She sucks at sports. Second, she didn't even die when she slipped on one of Merlin's pee puddles in the middle of the night (don't judge him, he was sick and sometimes didn't make it to the box in time) although she fell flat on her back. Point proven.
It's just a trick to take my corner from me.

Then she started telling me that I recruited Gundel as an assassin's assistant (say that three times very fast). I have no idea whatsoever what she is talking about!

Gundel probably feels the same way, black on red is gorgeous. As long as she stays on the other side, we make an excellent pair - because, my corner, you know.

You want to know what Greebo is thinking about all of this? Well, as long as we leave him alone when he goes to his food bowl (the rug leads to the three table mats for our food dishes), he thinks we are all being, I quote "a bunch of kindergarten kids fighting about inane matters".
I know he can be grumpy with us sometimes, only Gundel gives him a quick one on the butt with her paw every, now and then. And of course he has the little bed under the chair that Gundel and I are not allowed to use at all. Shhh, I did the other day, but only for a few minutes before I was practically dragged off like a thief.
It's okay, he's not asking much even if Mom would get him the moon from the sky if he asked.

Now excuse me ... I gather it's time for a little nap. On my red carpet.
Talk to you soon!

One bed for two

"We've got to talk."
"Oh no. What did I do wrong this time, Ponder?"
"Not you."
"Oh goodie."
"It's Greebo."
"You can't be serious. Greebo never does anything to anybody, well, except for pulling down stuff sometimes to get my attention."
"He's a squatter."
"Erm ... Ponder, what on Earth are you talking about?"
"It's the bed. The cat bed under the chair. The best bed there is in the whole world."
"The cardboard bed used to be the best bed. The hallway cabinet bed used to be the best bed. Heck, my bed used to be the best bed! Not even mentioning chairs, the top of the stairs or the armoire, the washing mach...."
"Yes, yes, yes. Now it's the bed under the chair."
"That neither Greebo nor you touched so much as with a toe for months and months. I was about to take it away."
"He keeps stealing it from me."
"As you keep stealing it from him if you get the chance."
"You don't want to understand me!"
"How about a second bed under a different chair?"

Humans. Impossible to live with, but unfortunately they have the opposable thumb.
I guess I'm going to go stalk Greebo for a while and make Mom feel guilty because I have nothing but the hard floor to sleep on.

You've got a friend

Hum along if you know the song while reading another tale of crime, catastrophes and friendship.

Let's start with the catastrophes. Both Mom and I have been terribly lazy bloggers lately. There are several things that kept us - lack of motivation, laziness and general headdesking (is that a word?).
To be open about it, Mom was the one who mostly did the last one while I supervised it to make sure she didn't put any big dents in one of my favorite napping spots.
I'll spare you the whole story of blocked sinks, pipe cleaning guys, water under the sink, home remedies, plumber cracks, lying around on the kitchen floor, using up a lot of kitchen roll ... let me just say we knock on as much wood as we can find to make sure that is over now. Meffi is tired of having to vacate her kitchen spots, Esme is tired of having to hide under the duvet while Greebo is sitting under the bed ... and I'm tired of Mom whining. If someone is allowed to whine here, it's me, if only because it's fun to drive Mom nuts while she is trying to find out what I want, hehe.

And now to the crime section. All I'll say is Swedish chicken and a hungry cow cat. When will Mom learn to put the complete food order away? She got up because she suspected Buster was nibbling on the last box in his room, instead she found Greebo in the box outside of Buster's room.
The funny part about it is that from that moment on Greebo has been refusing to touch the Swedish chicken mostly.

You know that Buster is free to run again, do you? The cage you see in the picture is just the place where he has his food, water, some of his toys and the spot where he can read his morning paper, ehem. He really seems to love his room, and we visit him a lot, even Meffi has taken up the habit to stay with him.
If you need proof of a beautiful friendship, here it is - Esme, Buster and Greebo.
Unfortunately Mom was too slow to get the camera and I still have that opposable thumb problem meaning I don't have one. If she was quicker, you would have seen pictures of Buster trying to get up on Esme's back. It was adorable, I guess. At least I Mom said awwww a lot.

See you around soon for this month's JAC blog ring, and who knows, maybe I'll share some pictures with you before that. I do have a load in my special cat folder that need editing.
Have a good time until then!

Kitty cats

My my, aren't we a handsome lot?
This is the collage Mom and her sister are using for a card to send to one of their vets who moved away. They didn't get the chance to say goodbye themselves, so they let us do it.
Much better than using pictures of themselves, don't you think?

P.S. Mom said she'd make one resolution for the new year, by the way. She wants to ban the words "Stop that now" from her vocabulary. I wonder if we can make a deal that each time she says it she has to give me a treat or something. I'm quite I'd be rich!

Ninja without outfit

He might not wear all black, but I'd still watch out if I were Mom.

2012

Weird things have been happening in Pondertown, I already told you about some of them. Big changes are lying ahead of us.

I should have known, there have been strange signs. I'm not an augur, I don't read the innards of small critters - mostly because Mom won't let me visit the gerbils (even if I was allowed to supervise the cage cleaning today) eye to innards - but seriously, in all of my seven years on Earth this is something I haven't seen before.
Not that it lasted for long, but long enough for Mom to grab her camera and save the memory for future generations.

Meffi and Greebo underneath the desk, side by side, furs touching. I think I'll better surf the internet for some good spaceship offers now!!

Memories

Yesterday we had a blood bath here. No worries, everyone is ok. It was an accident. During a little fight Meffi's ear was punctured. Mom has her experiences with that from when she took blood from Merlin's ear to check his blood sugar. That was a blood bath as well sometimes.
Only she didn't know this time it was the ear because Meffi shook her head all over the place which means there were spots of blood everywhere (including the wallpaper and the Steiff lamb's leg, oops).
Meffi got some of the infamous herbal cream put on her ear and things were ok again.

This inspired Mom to pull up some of the old pictures to show us how much friendlier we used to be with each other. It's true, those cuddly times have gone. Not that we don't snuggle anymore, but not as long as we used to. She still thinks it was Merlin's good influence and she's probably right.
Wanna see what she's talking about?

Merlin, Greebo and me - are we adorable or what?

Merlin and  Greebo

Merlin cleaning me

Esme and me - much younger then (can you believe we'll be 7 this year??)

Greebo and me

Gandalf and Greebo

And of course the lovebirds Merlin and Meffi

This was before Esme and I came along (a long time ago, just look at that video cassette on the floor!) when Mom had her first incredibly expensive and pretty lousy digital camera

Of course there are more pictures, but you know how it is when old people tell their stories "When I was young, I had to walk to school in 4 feet of snow, barefoot, 15 miles only on a piece of bread for the whole day" ... we just walked off and let her ramble ;-)

Happy Used Year!

I'm sorry for not saying Happy New Year. It's not that new anymore now. I have to admit I'm responsible for one or the other chip coming off already and so are my friends.
What have we been up to, let me think.

Meffi was being a good girl, I don't have a picture of her right now. Maybe I should say she's too smart to not escape the camera. She wasn't that good when she slapped me today. Be assured that I was being a gentleman, so there was no reason for that.

Greebo is as relaxed as always ... as long as the kitchen doesn't close in this house. He really checks out everything for edibility. I'm surprised he didn't try to eat the furniture yet!

Little sister Esme is practising being a watchcat and pursuing her goal to keep Mom off the computer.

 

I'm busy, busy, busy. It's not easy being the boss.
You have to explore places (why are all the cabinets etc. always locked up here??) ...

... you have to always be on top of things (this box is empty!) ...

... lay low and watch ...

... and sometimes take measurements to keep people from telling secrets (even little vinyl ones)!

The shocking truth

How was your Christmas? Did you have a good time? Lots of gifts, lots of food? Our Christmas mainly consisted of Mom listening to carols and singing along. The decoration is outside in the hallway because those humas are so untrusting. I swear we would all have been good with a tree, hehe.

So much for polite small talk, now let's get to the core of cat evilness in this house. I have to admit I was shocked.
Mom has some time off at the moment and like always her life rhythm started to change after a while. The long night sessions in the library were back, with 50s Robin Hood DVDs, wire, hook and beads. We like to come by and say hello when she does that, sometimes we spend a little time in the armchair with her, sometimes we just circle her and sometimes we whine ... ok, mostly Esme and I are the whiners, I have to be honest about that.

Lately when I have one of my whining bouts, Mom just opens a random closet to let me in. That's what she did the other night in the library. Mystery S to Z is one of my favorites to browse. When I was done going through, one of the door closed ... and then it happened.
It's a good thing that Mom had remembered to bring her camera this time. How else could we have shown that Greebo has no respect for books whatsoever??

"Oh, hey ... it's open. Mystery S to Z, eh? Let's have a closer look."

"Darn, the wrong door closed, there's all books, how am I supposed to go in there now?"

"There you go. One more book and there will be a perfect gap for me to go in."

That was the last straw. Greebo was banned from the library (well, at least to the other side of the room) and book heaven was closed down, even for me, the cat librarian!

(Editor's remark, not authorized by the blog author: The "cat librarian" loves to knock books off my desk if he needs more space. So much for reprimanding his pal.)

Have you missed us?

I'm sorry. Things have been very busy around here. Esme led a life on the run because she wanted to avoid the spot above her eye to be treated with some kind of herbal cream. Meffi changed favorite spots and started trying out life as a troll under the bridge (or a cat under the stairs), hidden behind a Steiff tiger and a sheep. Greebo not only had to be aware of every noise indicating that someone entered the kitchen, but also had to check out the best ways to snuggle up to human legs in bed.
I had to supervise all of that and in addition the humans of course. Sometimes it was so tiring I had to sleep three or four hours in one session!! That's hard work, I tell you.

Mom and Dad were not quite as busy even if they tried to convince us of the opposite. Do you think however they would have managed to take some pictures of what goes on here? The camera was used for all kinds of things, but not for the purpose it was made for - to take photos of the masters.
Today I put my feet down, all four of them. I had a long talk with Mom while walking around on some of her more tender body parts and made clear to her that things can simply NOT go on this way or there will be consequences. I know that "firing" is not a nice word, but it clearly shook her up.
See for yourself.

This is Mom's vintage cabinet with the roll front. She keeps all her office stuff in there, envelopes, stamps and stuff like that. If you look very closely however, you'll see something purple in the upper right corner. Exactly - kitty snacks. I'm almost a little embarrassed to say that whenever she opens this cabinet, all three of us come running ... Esme, Greebo and me (Meffi stays downstairs playing the troll). And if she leaves it open for a while because she needs more than one thing, there's always one of us waiting ...

"I can see it. Now if she turns away for just a few seconds, the loot will be mine."

"Moooom, you pushed me! See how weak I am? I know something that would help. It's up there!"

"What do you mean, I had already enough?? I'll have to think about that."

"Hey, Mom ... thanks for giving me just one more kibble. I promise I won't tell the others. Ssshhh."

I got Mom back to the camera, now I need to work on teach Greebo how not to be such a little suck-up!!

Musings at night

So the guys are back home from their trip. Instead of making it up to us that they left us alone for so long (no, no, substitute prison guards don't count), they fell back into the old routine right away.
Just a few minutes ago Mom chased off Greebo from the little table with a folding rule. Yeah, so she doesn't touch him with it, but only wiggles it in front of his nose, so he'll get distracted and stop licking the bar (which has held a strange fascination for more than one cat pal in this house). But still. He's just trying to have some fun.

Oh, he did have some fun yesterday when he knocked over Liese, the lifesize plush calf. Unfortunately Mom didn't take a picture because she was too baffled when she found Liese lying on the floor after she heard the strange "phump" noise downstairs. It's a pity, I went downstairs together with her and it looked quite funny how Greebo tried to sneak away with an innocent look on his baby face while Esme sat "caged in" between Liese's belly, her legs and the staircase.
Before you ask, yes, it was definitely him, we did hear his typical sound ...

Me, I have just been thrown off the desk. Ok, I did have snuggle time, but I wanted to nap on the desk, not on a belly. I can't help the desk being occupied by a pair of legs, it was mine first! That's my story and I stick to it. Unless I need to change it to my advantage, in that case it'll change faster than the weather around here at the moment.

Meffi is glad to have them back. She snuggles a lot and takes up bed or couch space. As long as she doesn't take over my favorite carpet spot, I'll be okay.
Actually this is where I am now. Roosevelt (the big bear) in my back as my personal guard, a soft carpet and a bag full of shells to play with if I get bored. After being thrown off the desk (brutally, I tell you, most brutally!) I went to see if Mom left a drawer open. There's nothing like an open drawer for a little revenge. I was in luck, her jewelry drawer was open a bit and I almost escaped with a bracelet. Sometimes I think she's got antennae because right that moment she walked in and took it from me.

It's almost midnight now, a good time for a nap.
By the way, tomorrow is Black Cats Appreciation Day. I know I have two white spots, but I still feel like a mini panther. I'd appreciate for you to appreciate me and Esme tomorrow. While you're at it, leave some appreciation for tabbies (Meffi) and cow cats (Greebo). They can't help not having as luxurious furs as we do ;-)

Peace, quiet and books

It's true. My sister and I are addicted to books or rather the space behind the books. Mom really has to be careful when taking out a book, before she shuts the door, she needs to check first if no black cat sneaked in. She learned the hard way after looking for Esme once. Not that Esme cared, she slept and didn't even complain when she was released.

The other day Mom heard noises and after watching me trying to open the door, she finally had the idea to get out the camera (she's a little slow at the moment) ...



Isn't it a shame there is no privacy in the house? And as if was not enough taking the video of Esme trying to lock me in, Mom had to peek in and take two pictures of me when I was only trying to get some peace *sigh*

Just wait, soon she will be gone on vacation and I intend to prepare some surprises for when she'll come back, hehe!

Malnourished

So this is what a malnourished cat looks like who is being forced to sit on a hard chair AND is then even being told to get off it because, I quote "we don't need your hair in our printer, you know you've got so much, you shed like heck".


I'm off to call the local SPCA in order to help Greebo get his rights.

Outrageous

No respect, I tell you, they have no respect at all for me here in this house.
Now Dr. Greebo is holding his psychiatric sessions with Mom on MY desk. Frankly I doubt he'll be able to help her. She has issues, I mean, she's a human! She will always feel inferior looking at feline intelligence, elegance and overall perfection.
Here are pictures of the session, not showing the rather unattractive patient (with a knitting needle and a paint brush in her hair, poor deluded creature, she's not an epitome of fashion).

"Go ahead, I'm listening. Tell me about last night's dream."


"Say what? Lady, you have the weirdest dreams."


"Actually you are getting a little boring now. I think I'll have to take a nap."


After that he needed a timeout in the sun, guarded by his old pal, the huge tiger.


Of course I still had to punish him for treading on my territory. Cos that's the way we kitty men roll. Can you see Esme checking out what's going on, but not participating. She is SUCH a girl.

Snack time

Just now Mom came into the library and turned the light on. "Hey lady, I am trying to sleep here!" She fiddled around in her jewelry box, turned the light off and left. "Wait a moment, you woke me up, you don't think you can just leave me here like that now?"
She calls it my annoying sound. I am really proud of it, I had practised it for a month before I found the right pitch to make her cringe when hearing it. She keeps asking me if I know how annoying it is and today she even tried in a very feeble attempt to imitate it to annoy me back. How ridiculous.
Well, with a little help from Greebo and Esme who had been sleeping in Dad's office chair and under his desk we made Mom open her cabinet. She tries to pretend there are only office supplies in there, but we know there are snacks, too!!


You know how the water "boils" when sharks or piranhas are onto their prey? While watching us gobble down the snacks, Mom said she waited for the carpet to boil *eyeroll* I wonder if we'll ever get her trained to behave normally or at least as normally as a human being can behave.
I have my doubts when I hear her call us "furry sharks"!

PIs Ponder and Greebo

"He's dead, Holmes! Can you believe they just left him here like this? In this pile of used envelopes?" "What has the world come to? And what kind of people they must be to do such a thing? Watson, what can you tell me about the time of death?"


"It can't have been more than a few minutes, Holmes, they probably ran that way. Shouldn't we follow them?" "We will, Watson. First however we need to solve another vicious crime. Do you recognize the box those envelopes are in? This is our playbox!!"

Needless to say that Ponder Holmes and Dr. Greebo Watson solved the case.
The bear is not actually dead, he was just waiting for a private photo session. The evildoers who used the holy cat playbox for organizing their envelope collection have been sentenced to eternal slavery.
Justice has been served.

Test

I don't trust Mom when she's telling me she needs me for a little test. Five minutes tops and it won't hurt, promise. What does this woman know about what hurts me? Does she even care about my hurt feelings when she is trying to put a Santa hat on me or when she wants to take a video of me to show the world how wonderfully I can fetch? It doesn't matter that she tells me she wants to make me rich and famous, I don't believe a word she says.

This test was about brushing, though. I never liked much to be brushed. It means I'm supposed to sit still and patience is not of my strong traits.
Lately however it has been growing on me. Of course I still roll and bounce around a lot, but only because I enjoy it so much.
Now Mom got a new brush, one with a blade to better get rid of the undercoat. It made me wonder if she is trying to sell our fur as catshmere or something. I am NOT a goat.

Greebo's fur is all over the house. If you visit, don't wear black if you want to hold him. He has enough white hair for ten black shirts and it clings, too. Mom mainly got the brush for him. She read all of the 200+ feedbacks and it convinced her to give it a try.

So today was testing day. Like so often the girls got out of it. Meffi hid in one of her favorite spots, Esme played her eel number. The approximately ten hairs which came out of her test have not been entered into the end result.
Here is a picture of what Greebo (left) and I (right) "donated" in the same amount of brushing time of 5 minutes. Both balls have been rolled as tightly as possible for better comparison. Can you believe that?? I think he won this one, don't you think?

Peek-a-boo

There are those days when we just want to hide.
Not me of course, I never have had a sad day in my life. Sad moments, yes. When Mom took me to the vet's for my skin problem (no snickering in the back rows please, it was NOT a zit and it was not puberty-related!), I was very sad because I felt she betrayed me. Sitting on her head when the vet came in made me feel a little happier again. The fact that they needed three people to hold me during the examination made me even happier.

Still I would like to show you it's okay to hide sometimes, sort out your thoughts and feelings and come back out a little wiser hopefully.

How not to be seen. I guess that didn't work well, Gandalf.

When I build it (the perfect fishing hut), they will come. (Pictures of Greebo's success will be posted later. Or never.)

Esme? No Esme here. Just us plush animals.

Pay no attention to that cat behind the curtain (sssh, her name is Meffi).

'Nuff said.

The truth is in there. Out there, I mean. If this leads to a parallel universe. I can always use new experiences for new posts.