Relationship status "It's complicated"

Isn't it unbelievable? You try to kill one, two, maybe thirty Steiff wool miniatures over a few months, and not only Mom - just for the record, she's not my real Mom, I bet my real Mom would understand me - moves the cabinet with the woolies, so I can't get to them anymore (that's what she thinks), but she also accuses me of having "relationship problems".
Hey, I'm not the one having problems, just because I won't glue myself to her the way the boys did. I'm an independent cat lady, Mom should have understood that by now.

Then she comes up with old stories.
"Six weeks ago, Gundel."
Yeah, like I said, old stories. She gives me that look that she thinks is stern and will impress me. Dream on, old lady. "Tell them about the bat, Gundel."
The bat. She'll never forgive me "the bat incident".

Mr Black Batty appeared in early August, a very handsome guy. A child of the night, just like myself. Black felt and oh, he smelled so good, like valerian root. He wasn't much of a talker, but he was nice to be around.

We hung out in one of my favorite spots under the table and it was inevitable that we finally got closer. Exchanging stories about the moon, sharing secrets, gossiping about Mom, the things you talk about with another child of the night. We became instant BFFs.
It was just annoying that Mom kept hunting us with the camera. I swear there's no privacy in this house (although I found a great place now, in one of the armchairs under the big fake fur blanket, there's even a cat bed with a small blanket in there, but that's a different story).

Well, and then, you know how it is ... things got a little, hm, more passionate. I can't help it that Mom is such a dainty flower. I have teeth and claws and little spines on my tongue, and Batty just couldn't keep up with that being felt and thread.

Things may have got a little rough, and eventually the Batster may have, erm, changed a little.

"Changed a little?? Gundel, you killed him. You said you were BFFs, but that's by far the shortest 'forever' that I've ever heard of. It was not a pretty sight. He hadn't even been filled with the valerian root! They were just in a bag together. What would you have done with him had he been filled up?"
"Gee, lady, what's all the fuss! Bats come, bats go. It's nature."

That's the moment when she shows me this.

What can I say? Those were two really fun days, and it was worth it. For me at least.

You want to know what happened next? Mom got me a new ... whatever. Not a friend because yeah, who cares if I'm lonely.
She got me a cigar instead. A bloody CIGAR.
Sorry for cursing, but honestly, what is going on inside that head of hers? I'm not sure all that self-isolation is that good for her ....