One bed for two

"We've got to talk."
"Oh no. What did I do wrong this time, Ponder?"
"Not you."
"Oh goodie."
"It's Greebo."
"You can't be serious. Greebo never does anything to anybody, well, except for pulling down stuff sometimes to get my attention."
"He's a squatter."
"Erm ... Ponder, what on Earth are you talking about?"
"It's the bed. The cat bed under the chair. The best bed there is in the whole world."
"The cardboard bed used to be the best bed. The hallway cabinet bed used to be the best bed. Heck, my bed used to be the best bed! Not even mentioning chairs, the top of the stairs or the armoire, the washing mach...."
"Yes, yes, yes. Now it's the bed under the chair."
"That neither Greebo nor you touched so much as with a toe for months and months. I was about to take it away."
"He keeps stealing it from me."
"As you keep stealing it from him if you get the chance."
"You don't want to understand me!"
"How about a second bed under a different chair?"

Humans. Impossible to live with, but unfortunately they have the opposable thumb.
I guess I'm going to go stalk Greebo for a while and make Mom feel guilty because I have nothing but the hard floor to sleep on.