Interview with a Christmas tree

Gundel: Mr. Christmas Tree, thank you for being here today and sharing your story.

Mr. Tree: To be honest, I would have preferred to talk to someone who has not been part of my traumatic experience over the last few weeks.

Gundel: I have absolutely no idea what you are talking about. I would, however, like to apologize on behalf of my little brother. He had a hard kittenhood and is still struggling at times.

Mr. Tree: HE is struggling? With what other than his weight? Have you ever been tackled by that little brute? Oh wait, you have, haven't you? And this hard kittenhood lasted all of what, six weeks? After which he started to be spoilt more than all of the royal corgis together.

Gundel: What happens between my little brother and me, is none of your business. How our Mom chooses to spoil us or not, is none of your business. Also you should be very careful about throwing insults around. Can we please get back to the topic now?

Mr. Tree: I'll be very happy to and hope both you and your "little brother" - neither little nor your actual brother if I may say so - will be taking responsibility for the vicious attacks not only on my life.
Look at me, I have been reduced to a mere light holder, unloved, deprived of my ornaments and the company of my dear friends, my branches drooping from the attacks which still haven't stopped completely.

Gundel: By usual standards, you would already have been taken down and confined to your box again. Aren't you glad about being able to shine your lights a little longer? Mom says you make her very happy.

Mr. Tree: Oh, I make her happy, do I? How about asking her how much she's interested in making me happy? I got feelings too, you know.
Are you aware that four of my gnome friends are currently missing and there hasn't even been sent out a search party yet, no doubt because the human knows only too well who abducted them and left them in some corner, but doesn't want to admit it.
Would you at least put up this poster?
I can't be sure it's exactly these four who are missing because the others have been locked away in a cabinet before I could take statements, but the family resemblance should help.

Gundel: Alright, alright. I'll put it up and maybe I'll have a little stroll and look for them myself.
Thank you for the interview, Mr. Tree.

Mr. Tree: Wait, I'm not finished ye.... hey, don't you dare ignore me ... hellooooo?

Gundel: Oh Mooooom! Didn't you say you finally wanted to pack up the tree? I would help, but I gotta find them wee gnomes ....