I'm afraid of no shark

"Hey Ponder."
"Hey."
"What's the matter? Down in the dumps?"
"I'm thinking."
"Thinking about what? Your miserable life again?"
"Well, there is this new kid."
"I knew we would have this talk sooner or later. Gundel was a stray and needed a home and some food. You, my friend, can afford to give her some of your food. She's not even half of you in weight. Okay, so she is smaller, too. Still. What else do you have to complain about?"
"She's taking my spots."
"Oh, you mean like the spot on the stairs that you were not interested in anymore today after she left it?"
"Yesterday she hit me."
"You did intrude on her string game, and when she left, we kept playing. And hitting is a bit of a strong word, don't you think? She barely touched you."
"Hmpf."
"I love you the same as before, Ponder. She doesn't even take up lap or shoulder time because she's not a lap cat."
"Yeah, she may not be that bad. A bit bossy."
"Which is what I wanted for you, anyway. A bossy girl to poke you a little, so you won't get too comfortable in your ways."
"You like black cats, too."
"Yes, I do."
"She's still dangerous, you know? Just wait until it's time for you to get a bit uncomfortable."
"What are you talking about?"

So I had to show Mom photo proof on what's going on behind her back.

 "I'm afraid of no shark."

"What are you saying?"

Told Mom Gundel was dangerous - and a shark whisperer who sicced those two dudes on her. This is what she's getting for not listening to me.

P.S. I still don't understand how Greebo can be so utterly uninterested in Gundel??

One bed for two

"We've got to talk."
"Oh no. What did I do wrong this time, Ponder?"
"Not you."
"Oh goodie."
"It's Greebo."
"You can't be serious. Greebo never does anything to anybody, well, except for pulling down stuff sometimes to get my attention."
"He's a squatter."
"Erm ... Ponder, what on Earth are you talking about?"
"It's the bed. The cat bed under the chair. The best bed there is in the whole world."
"The cardboard bed used to be the best bed. The hallway cabinet bed used to be the best bed. Heck, my bed used to be the best bed! Not even mentioning chairs, the top of the stairs or the armoire, the washing mach...."
"Yes, yes, yes. Now it's the bed under the chair."
"That neither Greebo nor you touched so much as with a toe for months and months. I was about to take it away."
"He keeps stealing it from me."
"As you keep stealing it from him if you get the chance."
"You don't want to understand me!"
"How about a second bed under a different chair?"

Humans. Impossible to live with, but unfortunately they have the opposable thumb.
I guess I'm going to go stalk Greebo for a while and make Mom feel guilty because I have nothing but the hard floor to sleep on.