If you don't know Olive and Mabel, you may think that they are new additions to the household, but you would be wrong. Olive and Mabel are labradors who live with some Scottish sports commentator, and obviously Mom is a fan.
Oh yeah, the self-proclaimed "cat lady" watches dog videos on the internet which we all know has been invented to spread the glory of felines.
I know, it's pretty unbelievable. She fooled so many people for so long.
The other day I caught her watching this.
Not only did she laugh, but she also had the impertinence to look at me afterwards and ask me what I was going to do around the house. She brought up the old joke - Greebo and Ponder had warned me about this when I moved in - of tying a little brush to my tail, so I could deal with the litter I am allegedly spreading all throughout the flat. At least I hope for her that it was a joke.
If she expects me to put together furniture for her, she's in for a huge disappointment although I understand where it comes from. You should see how she put together the little chests standing at the end of the bed. It's rather pathetic.
The betrayal gets even more real, though. Every, now and then she comes in from the hallway smelling like dog breath. It's in her clothes and on her arms and sometimes on her face. Ugh, it's disgusting.
I know she's cheating on me with the poodles upstairs. White woolly yappy sheep, what's the attraction, I'm asking you?! She could kiss some luxurious silken black fur instead. If I let her, that is. Can't spoil the human too much. Greebo and Ponder had spoiled her rotten with hugs and kisses and hanging out with her, and now I leave her alone for a second or two and the next thing she does is watching dog videos!
I know what I have to do. I'm going to hide in one of the dark spots where she can't find me easily and listen to her walking back and forth calling for me and getting more and more desperate. Every time she's convinced I dematerialized or found a Gundel size hole in the door or behind a cabinet.
Then if she gets lucky and finds me, I'll get up, turn my back on her and walk away. That should teach her.
And then, after all the apologies and promises that she'll never do anything like this again, we'll talk about the hole in my food ...
