The shocking truth

How was your Christmas? Did you have a good time? Lots of gifts, lots of food? Our Christmas mainly consisted of Mom listening to carols and singing along. The decoration is outside in the hallway because those humas are so untrusting. I swear we would all have been good with a tree, hehe.

So much for polite small talk, now let's get to the core of cat evilness in this house. I have to admit I was shocked.
Mom has some time off at the moment and like always her life rhythm started to change after a while. The long night sessions in the library were back, with 50s Robin Hood DVDs, wire, hook and beads. We like to come by and say hello when she does that, sometimes we spend a little time in the armchair with her, sometimes we just circle her and sometimes we whine ... ok, mostly Esme and I are the whiners, I have to be honest about that.

Lately when I have one of my whining bouts, Mom just opens a random closet to let me in. That's what she did the other night in the library. Mystery S to Z is one of my favorites to browse. When I was done going through, one of the door closed ... and then it happened.
It's a good thing that Mom had remembered to bring her camera this time. How else could we have shown that Greebo has no respect for books whatsoever??

"Oh, hey ... it's open. Mystery S to Z, eh? Let's have a closer look."

"Darn, the wrong door closed, there's all books, how am I supposed to go in there now?"

"There you go. One more book and there will be a perfect gap for me to go in."

That was the last straw. Greebo was banned from the library (well, at least to the other side of the room) and book heaven was closed down, even for me, the cat librarian!

(Editor's remark, not authorized by the blog author: The "cat librarian" loves to knock books off my desk if he needs more space. So much for reprimanding his pal.)

There's a new box in town

And it's a great one! It hasn't made its way downstairs yet, so I don't know if Meffi will like it (hm, do you think I should give it to her for Christmas?) and Greebo hasn't tried it yet as he prefers the bed at the moment, but Esme and I for once agree ... it's great!
You can use it both ways as you can see and you can either just sit on it or have a nice grooming session in it.

This is when it came out of the "Vertiko" (not a typo, I don't mean vertigo, this is a piece of furniture) that I love so much that I am constantly trying to get in there. I just knew there was some good stuff in it!
Let me show you a few pictures.

Mom cleaned out the Vertiko from paper stuff and I helped.

You can lie or sit, nothing like a flexible piece of cat box furniture.

Sit on the lid, sit in the box, the butt feeling is definitely different. Believe an expert.

Esme being slightly smaller than me (not talking about her belly, hehe) prefers to use all of the lid.

Bendy Esme! This resulted in a big sigh from Mom who wishes she could even touch her toes when standing. Humans, when will they understand we are so much more talented than they are?

You want to know what else is new in Ponder's Kingdom?

Well, as you can see I am always ready to nip insubordination in the bud (or in the butt in this case!). Esme is just as curious as I am, but sorry, girl, this is MINE! There's no picture of it, but right the next second I had a good pounce at her, she gave me a good hiss and growl and we rolled around on the floor for a bit. The picture came out blurry and before Mom could set her camera to video, it was all over already.

Here you have proof of attempted murder. Mom was glad that Esme (yup, not me, I swear) did this during the day. And while I usually get up (96 % of all times that I'm in the way on the stairs), Esme didn't budge. She's really funny since she's on drugs and makes her people wonder a lot if they really got the right cat back at the vet's. She still takes her pills without much of a problem, she started to like being picked up and snuggled, but there's one thing that hasn't changed ... yesterday Mom starting whistling without noticing herself. She sure did notice when Esme came running into the room yelling as if someone was trying to take her catnip toy! Esme could hardly calm down for a while after Mom stopped. I know she's not much of a whistler, but wow, what a reaction!
Oh, by the way, the murder attempt came before the whistling ;-)

Next I'll show you a Christmas miracle. Meffi made her way upstairs once again! Isn't she just adorable? I really, really wish ... maybe Santa Claus can do something for me ... I love her so much, even when she's hissing at me like a madcat ...

She did NOT freak out when Esme went by her. Sheesh.

You are pretty much up-to-date now, just one last picture. Let me show you what to do if you really, really had enough (of whatever).
I saw Mom peeking at the Santa Claus hat, I think I'll practise that look a bit more now.

The Count of Monte Ponsto

What you'll read now, is not for those faint of heart. It's a story of betrayal and abuse. Only could the opinions on who has been abused not be any more different.
Let me tell you what happened.
Ok, first of all let me admit that I might be just a teeny tiny bit hyper at the moment. Mom blames it on the full moon. She says that a few days before a full moon we tend to freak out and that I'm the worst of them all.
Meffi was extremely touchy last night and whenever one of us walked by her in pure innocence and never closer than half an inch, she started hissing, growling and finally screaming. I swear she's a true banshee. Mom came running one after the other time, telling us with clenched teeth to leave her alone, trying to calm down Meffi - yeah, right - but finally she came storming down the stairs like one of those Greek furies, picked me up and put me into the upstairs bathroom. To be fair she turned on the light before she slammed the door, but I was still a prisoner. I cried out my pain over this betrayal, but did she care? Instead I heard her chasing Esme upstairs as well. My dear sister - she lay down by the door, pressing her head against it.


After days and days the door finally opened again - don't listen to Mom back there, it was NOT just a minute - and the cruel lady came inside asking me if I had calmed down.
I had settled on one of my favorite spots, on the cabinet where she can't reach. I would have tried to dig a tunnel with a spoon, but 1. there was no spoon anywhere, 2. it's hard to dig a tunnel if you are on the second floor and 3. I don't have thumbs. So I just sat up there ignoring her.
That corner of the ceiling really is too interesting.

After I felt she had waited long enough, I came down and ran back and forth on her desk and lap. And I woke her at 5 am. Revenge is a dish best eaten cold. It was yummy.
Now I need a nap. I hope I don't have nightmares.

P.S. Esme is not half as innocent as she likes people to think. In fact I should be mad at her for making my girl cry (Meffi, not Mom, she hasn't been a girl for 150 years).

Ok, here's "Mom". Now let me tell you my version of the ... go away, Ponder, it's my turn ... what are you doing?? Pon, don't you dare turn the laptop off, do you hea/(§OPFHNSOIMb3frjvhaknsuiqkqlqlq ....................................................................................................................................................................

Nap time!

Humans don't nap right. They go to bed or to their couch and fall asleep in an, let's call it organized way. Cats don't need that. We know about every place is just perfect for napping. Ok, it's nice if there's that paralyzing sun ray, but we nap just as well without it.
Couches, carpets, chairs, beds, tables, window sills, name it and we have been there and will be there.

Yesterday Mom worked at the computer. I was on her lap for a bit, but she made me nervous because she kept telling me to hold still while she was trying to type. Strange priorities, that lady. I finally left. After a while Mom came into the bathroom to pick up the laundry basket. It was nice to hear her surprise when she saw me lying there. I had pulled down the sheet that was on the dryer and it felt so nice that I didn't even look up.

Seriously now ... can you imagine one of our pampered humans sleeping like this? They have no idea what they are missing.

Visitor from the past

The other day we had a visitor from the past. I suspect he's one of my ancestors ... what do you say? Ok, you can't be fooled of course, my beauty is just too distinctive, I guess.
This is me indeed, but you have to admit I'm looking pretty good in sepia, right?

Mom loves that picture, it was such a coincidence she could take it. I had been sleeping on the window sill and she happened to turn around when I got up, grabbed her cam, zoomed into the room (she was sitting in the room next to it) and click!

I still like to imagine this is a Greatgreatgreatgreatgrandpa Stibbons from times long gone ...

Rub my belly and ...

.... I'll show you my foot. Actually I might try to shove the foot in your face if you rub my belly or not.
This picture was taken just now during one of my stretching exercises. I can't help it if Mom gets in my way. You remember she only gives me a quarter of the desk. You have to admit however that I have cute toes.

I also got some good news. Although Esme won't get off her meds, she got rid of the cone and she's her old lovable self again. Ok, she could fight a little harder when she's getting her mouth stuffed with pills, but all in all it's my little sister again. Her ear is almost healed up, she even let me clean it for her today and we didn't fight afterwards. Instead she got into a quarrel between Meffi and Greebo. I wish you could seen her, her tail was as bushy as that of a fox. Quite amazing.
Thank you for all the good thoughts, it seems they helped!

Ok, gotta go. I need a nap. All that hard work I have to do here, you  know ...

The evil eye

In this case - two evil eyes saying "I'll get you for this when you least expect it."

I know I had promised not to show Esme with her cone on, but this look was too good to keep it from you. Unfortunately a visit to the vet's has shown that the problem is bigger than just a scratched ear. I won't go into details, but I can tell Mom is nervous.

She was even more nervous, however, when Esme gobbled down the three pills she has to take by herself, twice already! We are still waiting for the Earth to break apart and I don't know what will happen if Esme does it again today. Mom keeps telling her "that she's the best little girl in the whole wide world". Do we others feel neglected? A bit maybe, but since Esme can only take so much of the mother chicken hovering over her, she hides under the desk if necessary and that's when we get our well-deserved snuggle and play times.

Not that we let Mom get away with it anyway. The last few days I developed a special program called "Ribs, Bladder, Thighs". It's not an exercise program unless you count the balancing part it takes sometimes when Mom starts yelling "Ouch, ouch, that hurts, why do you have to put your little paws there??" and wriggling around a lot to get me off her, hehe.

Greebo prefers to lie on her chest and neck, drape his tail over her face and shove a bunch of hair from his back between her lips. At least he doesn't lie on her face, she'd be gone within seconds.

Meffi likes to dance in her hair. I know it sounds strange. Mom has looong hair, you know, even longer than a Persian or a Maine Coone, and when it's spread over her pillow, Meffi dances around on it. Of course she uses her claws, does whammies and pulls the hair. It's a class act, none of us ever managed to do it as perfect as she does. It's most effective right before Mom wants to go to sleep.

You see you don't have to worry about us. Good thoughts for the Lady of the Cone are greatly appreciated, though.

How not to be seen

Mom is a big Monty Python fan. She keeps throwing quotes out there and I had to watch the complete series and the movies more than once (ask me how funny I thought it was when she taped the documentary on TV and messed up forgetting the last episode, the only one which was NOT repeated).

I'll show Monty Py how really not to be seen and not getting blown up, either.
Mom got a surprise after putting laundry from the washer into the dryer and then turning around to the basket with the clean black t-shirts and almost hit me because she hadn't noticed me (just like in this moment when I showed her how not to be heard when occupying the other chair, hehe, made her jump).

I got inspired by all that washing business, however. Not that I need a shower or a washing machine for it.

By the way, this is the gift Esme gave her when she got the cone put on, but now she seems to have forgiven them. I actually saw her held by human arms and heard her purr. They broke my little sister :-( I think I'll need to talk her and revive the kitty witch!

Shame on the humans

Look at this picture of Esme ... the big, round baby eyes of a kitty who trusts her humans. Who thinks her humans won't do her wrong. Who is not afraid of humans betraying her. A kitty who was to be disappointed in the most cruel way you can imagine.

I promised not to show a picture of how Esme is looking now, her eyes deadened from the knowledge of betrayal, all joy and will for live lost, merely a shadow of herself - all of that due to the Cone of Shame.
Of course Mom keeps telling Esme it's for her own best and if she had stopped scratching the wound above her eye, there wouldn't be a need for that ... that thing, but neither of us really believes it.
Did you know that local - very local, actually limited to this out - history tells us that this is the first Cone of Shame EVER to be used here? In twenty years of cats (and other critters!) around?
I'm sorry for my little sister. She doesn't deserve that. Neither does she deserve being stared at. Shame on you as well, Greebo and Meffi. At least I had the decency to retreat to one of my favorite resting spots and pretend I didn't notice.
Uh-oh. Now they are coming and they are holding that herbal cream again!!

Have you missed us?

I'm sorry. Things have been very busy around here. Esme led a life on the run because she wanted to avoid the spot above her eye to be treated with some kind of herbal cream. Meffi changed favorite spots and started trying out life as a troll under the bridge (or a cat under the stairs), hidden behind a Steiff tiger and a sheep. Greebo not only had to be aware of every noise indicating that someone entered the kitchen, but also had to check out the best ways to snuggle up to human legs in bed.
I had to supervise all of that and in addition the humans of course. Sometimes it was so tiring I had to sleep three or four hours in one session!! That's hard work, I tell you.

Mom and Dad were not quite as busy even if they tried to convince us of the opposite. Do you think however they would have managed to take some pictures of what goes on here? The camera was used for all kinds of things, but not for the purpose it was made for - to take photos of the masters.
Today I put my feet down, all four of them. I had a long talk with Mom while walking around on some of her more tender body parts and made clear to her that things can simply NOT go on this way or there will be consequences. I know that "firing" is not a nice word, but it clearly shook her up.
See for yourself.

This is Mom's vintage cabinet with the roll front. She keeps all her office stuff in there, envelopes, stamps and stuff like that. If you look very closely however, you'll see something purple in the upper right corner. Exactly - kitty snacks. I'm almost a little embarrassed to say that whenever she opens this cabinet, all three of us come running ... Esme, Greebo and me (Meffi stays downstairs playing the troll). And if she leaves it open for a while because she needs more than one thing, there's always one of us waiting ...

"I can see it. Now if she turns away for just a few seconds, the loot will be mine."

"Moooom, you pushed me! See how weak I am? I know something that would help. It's up there!"

"What do you mean, I had already enough?? I'll have to think about that."

"Hey, Mom ... thanks for giving me just one more kibble. I promise I won't tell the others. Ssshhh."

I got Mom back to the camera, now I need to work on teach Greebo how not to be such a little suck-up!!

Still alive!

We are still alive. Still as whiny as ever if the situation asks for it. Just long enough to be annoying, pushing limits ... and then, bang, we get all purry and lovable. In fact I'm playing that game right now, I'm posting from Mom's lap while purring so loud you almost forget the heavy rain outside.

Meffi is probably sleeping on Mom's pillow right now while Greebo is in a chair downstairs. I can't hear him snore, so he must be downstairs. Esme just got up to have a good stretch and then disappeared behind the big desk again. At night she blends in pretty well with the dark blue carpet.
Mom insisted on taking a picture, though, and since I was the only one available (and would never refuse to have my picture taken unless she's making me wear a Santa hat or something), here I am speaking for all the others.
Adore us. We are beautiful and deserve it.

Self-service

You already know that my pals and I are constantly neglected in this household. Snuggle deprived, suffering from malnutrition and sometimes we are even chased off our napping spots in the rudest way. As long as we stand together however, we'll be able to fight the evil regime of those clueless humans. It helps that we are street-smart and know how to grasp our chances.

You should have seen Mom when she found this on the table. Hehe, it's not smart to have forgotten it there, is it, lady?

And no matter what you'll do, none of us will squeal about who did it. What are you complaining about, he or she even left some in there!

Humans vs. highly developed feline overlords 0 : 1

Listen to me ...

.... because you won't see me.

Living in style

Today I want to take you to the new house of my friends Scully and Mulder (who are in charge of Mom's sister and her affairs). Of course you know I am not allowed to leave the premises, so I had to send a correspondent to take pictures.

The house itself is done in a kind of bungalow style. There is one floor and a flat shingled roof. Did you know that bungalow comes from "house in a Bengal style" with the word derived from the Gujarati bangalo?
There is a tiny garden, just the right size for "someone who has not that much of a green thumb" as Mr. Mulder put it.

Unfortunately the architect did not care to add a verandah which caused quite strong emotions in one of the new owners, special cat agent Mulder.

He also found fault with the bungalow being slightly too small for him. As a matter of fact it's impossible for both parties to use it at the same time which doesn't seem to be a problem however as they are on different schedules.
As you can see in the picture, the foundation leaves open a few wishes, but the ventilation is just fine. Ms. Scully loves her rose trellis, though.

Unbelievable, but true is that the bungalow already came with some sort of graffiti, but both Ms. Scully and Mr. Mulder said they didn't mind much.
They found lots of praise for the beautiful old tree coming with the house and pointed out that they both share a love for ornithology and hoped the tree might attract some interesting species.

It was hard for our correspondent to take a look at the inside, so we end this article with a short glance at both inhabitants in their new place (it isn't hard to see that the house was obviously planned for Ms. Scully's needs more than Mr. Mulder's, but as he told us a gentleman wouldn't want it any other way).

You have a new house and want us to post it here? Go ahead, we'll be happy to continue this as a series.

The humiliation continues

That's it. I sleep on the desk like the harmless little cat that I am, the lady pokes me and then tells me I'm a squeaky toy?? When I glared at her like only a black mini panther can (you should see Esme's looks sometimes, whoa, that small princess face of hers is really hiding a little witch sometimes which means she wears her name in dignity and rightfully), she explained that whenever she pokes me I make that funny squeaky noise.

Read my lips, Mom - the funny squeaky noise means "Poke me one more time and I'll bite your finger off!!"
And who knows ... maybe I'll actually do that eventually.

Musings at night

So the guys are back home from their trip. Instead of making it up to us that they left us alone for so long (no, no, substitute prison guards don't count), they fell back into the old routine right away.
Just a few minutes ago Mom chased off Greebo from the little table with a folding rule. Yeah, so she doesn't touch him with it, but only wiggles it in front of his nose, so he'll get distracted and stop licking the bar (which has held a strange fascination for more than one cat pal in this house). But still. He's just trying to have some fun.

Oh, he did have some fun yesterday when he knocked over Liese, the lifesize plush calf. Unfortunately Mom didn't take a picture because she was too baffled when she found Liese lying on the floor after she heard the strange "phump" noise downstairs. It's a pity, I went downstairs together with her and it looked quite funny how Greebo tried to sneak away with an innocent look on his baby face while Esme sat "caged in" between Liese's belly, her legs and the staircase.
Before you ask, yes, it was definitely him, we did hear his typical sound ...

Me, I have just been thrown off the desk. Ok, I did have snuggle time, but I wanted to nap on the desk, not on a belly. I can't help the desk being occupied by a pair of legs, it was mine first! That's my story and I stick to it. Unless I need to change it to my advantage, in that case it'll change faster than the weather around here at the moment.

Meffi is glad to have them back. She snuggles a lot and takes up bed or couch space. As long as she doesn't take over my favorite carpet spot, I'll be okay.
Actually this is where I am now. Roosevelt (the big bear) in my back as my personal guard, a soft carpet and a bag full of shells to play with if I get bored. After being thrown off the desk (brutally, I tell you, most brutally!) I went to see if Mom left a drawer open. There's nothing like an open drawer for a little revenge. I was in luck, her jewelry drawer was open a bit and I almost escaped with a bracelet. Sometimes I think she's got antennae because right that moment she walked in and took it from me.

It's almost midnight now, a good time for a nap.
By the way, tomorrow is Black Cats Appreciation Day. I know I have two white spots, but I still feel like a mini panther. I'd appreciate for you to appreciate me and Esme tomorrow. While you're at it, leave some appreciation for tabbies (Meffi) and cow cats (Greebo). They can't help not having as luxurious furs as we do ;-)

Peace, quiet and books

It's true. My sister and I are addicted to books or rather the space behind the books. Mom really has to be careful when taking out a book, before she shuts the door, she needs to check first if no black cat sneaked in. She learned the hard way after looking for Esme once. Not that Esme cared, she slept and didn't even complain when she was released.

The other day Mom heard noises and after watching me trying to open the door, she finally had the idea to get out the camera (she's a little slow at the moment) ...



Isn't it a shame there is no privacy in the house? And as if was not enough taking the video of Esme trying to lock me in, Mom had to peek in and take two pictures of me when I was only trying to get some peace *sigh*

Just wait, soon she will be gone on vacation and I intend to prepare some surprises for when she'll come back, hehe!

News ticker

You probably noticed. Things have gone very slowly here. We - the masters of the house - have been neglected pretty much. "No, don't dance around on my ribs, that hurts." "I'm sorry, but I'm too tired to snuggle/play/cuddle/*insert other things here* with you." This isn't dirty talk, this was a tired Mom. Her feet were hurting, her brain was empty, her energy level was at -156, but hey ... that's not really our problem, is it? We are not toys you can leave in the corner. So we did dance around on her, snuggled up to her and raised hell in the wee hours of the morning when we were hungry, just to make her see we could.
Can you believe I even had restricted access to the computer because she wouldn't even turn it on?
I can only hope these times are over again now. If you think I am writing this myself, you are wrong. I'm stretched out on the desk, my head on my secretary's hand, mentally dictating this post to her (and I sure wish she wouldn't make so many typos, that would speed things up!).

Soooo - what else happened here?
Let's start with Esme. She has started to pursue a new career as a book guardian. It happened accidentally. She had wrapped herself around one of those wooden posts when Mom and Dad came in with a visitor. Esme doesn't like visitors much, at least not without a warning. She likes to watch them for a while first. So she tried to blend in with the bookends. Not very convincing if you ask me, but they indeed didn't notice her for quite a while. When they finally did, Esme "unwrapped" herself and went back into sculpture mode. I have to give her that, even if she doesn't look like a bookend, she's doing a pretty good guarding job.

The only productive thing Mom has done lately is this cuff in memory of a wonderful cat - ME! She loves this picture and when she was lured into the bead looming cave where people have a hard time to find out again, her friend Erin, the Queen of the Bead Loom, made a pattern from it.
Now I caught her staring at Merlin's and Gandalf's picture a lot and I can hear her brain creaking. Can't be long before we see steam coming out of her head.
Here is the original and the imitation. She wanted to take a picture of me looking at it, but I tried to steal it. What was she thinking? Does she still not know me?

I think I'm tired now and need a nap. Wicked plans take time and lots of brain and I don't want to overheat! ;-)

Funny lady

Of course I am not talking about the musical with Barbra Streisand, I have never seen it. Why should I? I like to do my own singing.
I'm talking about the deluded human living in this house.
Wanna know what she just tried?? When I practiced my "walk back and forth in front of the computer, hit the desk lamp with your head and box Mom's chin with everything possible, from head to my incredibly muscular tail", she actually pushed me over to my space and said "Stay!!" At my stunned look she went on "Sit, Pon! Good boy!"
What does she think I am, a dog???

I guess it's not necessary to say that I didn't do such a thing. I am a little worried for her mental health now, though.

Who - me??

Today I'll give advice to all of you humans out there.

It's not smart to let a cat train you.

Unneccesary advice, you think? All humans know that already? No self-respecting human would walk into the trap? I'm afraid we got a pretty inferior specimen in our house then - and a very determined little cat.

Doesn't she look like a little angel? Today she proved she can still be very much a little devil. Mom hates nothing more than cats jumping around on the DVD player. It gets her up in a nanosecond. None of us has brought the technique more to perfection than Meffi has.
Being such a small cat she can jump the player directly, with a very nasty sounding thump. We others have to jump the sideboard and jump on the player from there, it's not half as much fun and even if it works as well, it's a poor performance compared to what the lady does.
I can't be sure, but the fact that the player likes to block when opening the DVD drawer might be credited to her, too.
This fine morning she was feeling hungry and neglected. There were only kibbles and the lady didn't feel like kibbles. She likes her food juicy in the morning.
Up she went. "Meff!" I guess 4 hours of sleep weren't enough for Mom. Up again. "Meheeeeff, pleeease?" She could have gotten up right then. She was awake enough to speak two words, a clear sign she wouldn't just fall asleep again. I counted, it took Meffi exactly five attempts before she could munch away.
It's no wonder I adore her.

Resume

Dear Ms M.,

hereby I want to apply for the job of chiweenie wrangler. I understood you haven't set the business up yet, but let me assure you that I'll be free whenever you'll need me.
At the moment I am working as a counselor for two humans which involves every task from annoying them to consoling them in time of need. They are both in poor condition, so I could collect lots of experience in tending to other creatures, including the rodent variety also living in this household.
If you decide to hire me, my sister Esme will continue my work.

I was born near Goeppingen in 2005. Unfortunately all the documents from that time were lost, so I have to rely on credentials only (which I'm happy to send to you if you consider hiring me).
I started working in my current job in August 2005. Despite my very young age at that time I immediately took over all necessary responsibilities and soon I got promoted to the position of chief annoyer, the highest possible one in this job, with a staff of three felines.
Over the years I had the chance to work with
- humans
- gerbils
- bunnies
- guinea pigs
- coruros
- birds
- free range wildlife (spiders, flies, bugs etc.)

I have no doubt that I can put my experience to good use in work with chiweenies as well and am looking forward to the chance of a personal conversation.

Sincerely,
Ponder Stibbons

Attached are the requested action pictures.

Administrative work - one of my responsibilities

Roll call - there are times when authority is asked of an employee

Controlling part of my current herd - the stuffed variety

Keeping control from above for a more efficient watch

Even when sleeping I keep an eye open. Duty comes first